You all know the story of Boaz.
His story is a very small blurb in the middle of a rather tumultuous time in the Old Testament...well...one of the tumultuous times considering that if you were living in the Old Testament, life pretty much sucked.
But I digress.
We know him from the book of Ruth and in many cases, the story of Ruth and Boaz is generally focused on Ruth and her peculiar actions. Now I'm not here to distract from Ruth and her contribution to the story, she is indeed an amazing study of courageous and Godly femininity that I think every woman should read up on.
However I'd just like to ponder on the dudes side of this story because in all honesty...Boaz was quite the man if I do say so.
I mean, from his intro in chapter 2, the author is describing him as selfless, loving, respectful and caring. But the thing that really surprises me is how he treated Ruth.
For brevity I'll just explain it this way: In a land where women are treated like property and foreigners are looked at with disgust, it's pretty remarkable that he even let her stay on his field to glean after the harvesters went through.
However not Boaz. No, Boaz was different.
Now let's be honest, what caught his attention like most guys was that she was pretty dadgum attractive however his similarities with the majority of the male gender ends there because from this point on, he becomes the utter definition of a warrior poet.
So what made him manly?
Well for starters, after he found out who she was, he was more impressed with her strength and courage than of her beauty...something that guys almost never do. Another point is like I said earlier, she was a foreigner and by that extent, not to be trusted but to Boaz that meant jack-squat. No, Boaz saw her as what she was, and he took the high road and stood for her in a time when women were valued little more than a donkey. And finally, he showcases the most authentic and tender expression of romantic love that I have ever seen in the entire bible.
Now a lot of people think that Boaz never really had feelings for her until a later time but honestly, as a guy I can tell you he was smitten by her from the moment he saw her. And I can just imagine what's going through his head as he got to know her better:
"Wow...what a woman, she's providing for her mother-in-law and putting herself in danger to do it. If only I were a younger man I'd perhaps consider looking deeper into a marriage but honestly...I'm too old for her, she needs to find herself a young, strong, and capable husband. But until then, I'll keep her safe and well-cared for."
Now we know from the story that he did just that; he protected her, he fed her, he encouraged her and even went so far as to have her work with the rest of the women who worked for him which simultaneously protected her from would-be rapists and thieves, but also gave her a status something like that of what native-born women of Bethlehem enjoyed. (Ruth 2:8)
What makes me laugh in all this is that even though Boaz is a mature, Godly and shrewd man, he's still a guy. And by that I mean, he's about as subtle as a hand grenade.
He felt like he was being all secret-squirrel and whatnot with his ordering the workers to toss some sheaves of grain behind them for her to pick up but let's be honest here, she noticed. And I'm sure she picked up on all the things he was doing for her as well but here's the kicker: Boaz did all these things for her and expected nothing in return.
Now it's said that she stayed and worked in the fields through both the barley and wheat harvests which in Old Testament times, took place during April and May, so for two months he was doing this and never once expected her to reciprocate any kind of affection or attention.
You want to know how I know this? Because he was surprised when he found her asleep at his feet after the harvest. (Culturally this was a woman's way of saying "Hey! I'm open for marriage you dense bum!)
He even told her, roughly paraphrased he basically was like: "wow...thank you for not going after a younger guy, but choosing to love me!" (Ruth 3:10)
This is almost unbelievable given the culture and the context, but there it is. In a time when Boaz could have just forced himself on Ruth and taken her land and her body and have perfect legal license to do so as he was a close relative, he chose instead to love her silently and let her decide on her own future.
This never really happens. Ever. Even today.
It seems like guys try to show affection and love to women with the intent of getting something in return. We always seem to expect some kind of reciprocation or at least some kind of affection. In short...we don't really express affection in order to build the other person up, but to build ourselves up.
I watched a sermon by Dr. Charles Stanley on Christian romantic love. He described today's relational issues as being plagued by desire but little love.
Dr. Stanley described desire as simply what you admire or like about the other individual. It's all about what makes us happy. Desire is all about self. Desire focuses on our own wants and wishes but never focuses on the other individual.
He went even further in describing how desire functions primarily on pleasing oneself and our own needs, and if we attempt to enter into a relationship or marriage hoping that the other person can fulfill our needs, then that will be a painful and most likely, short marriage. Because marriage is not about fulfilling our needs, but fulfilling the needs of our spouse.
From there he went on to describe legitimate, biblical and Christ-like love.
So what is love? (Don't say "baby don't hurt me")
Well to be blunt, love is about giving.
It's not about us, it's about the other person involved.
Dr. Stanley described true love as putting the other individual and their interests and needs above your own. He described a marriage built on desire as two people leeching each other dry in an attempt to please themselves, whereas a marriage built on love is like two people holding each other up when they trip and fall.
As an example, he described a conversation he had with one of the young men he was mentoring and how the young man wanted to marry his girlfriend and was about to ask her father for his blessing.
After he finished speaking Dr. Stanley asked him this question: "What if he says no? What if he doesn't give you his blessing?"
To which the young man hung his head sadly and thought for a moment, and then said "Then I would let her go and move on...I love her too much to put her through a lifetime of strife with the man who loved her first."
That my friends is true love.
That is what Boaz showcased.
That is what I am praying for every single day.
Because I don't love like Boaz...I really don't. I love like most of the other guys in the world where I only show love to get it returned to me.
But when we really think about it, this true love is exactly what Christ shows us every day.
How many times has he shown us love and affection and we turn and stuff it in his face?
How many times have we completely ignored His blessings and turned to cheaper thrills and pleasures?
How many times has He provided for us and expected nothing in return?
The simple answer to these questions is "all the time".
So where do we go from here?
Well, for me, I developed this prayer that I've been praying daily. I'm not saying you should say this prayer, but just that I've been praying it and it goes something like this:
"Lord, give me the strength to love like Boaz. Give me this irrational and absurd love that puts the other person above myself. And finally, please guide me to it, because I don't have it in me...inside I'm broken and ugly, but only through You can I have this love...start the change in me. Amen."
Now here's the kicker: unless we are fully, completely and radically in love with Christ, we can't ever love like this.
Dr. Stanley made this final point that kind of rocked my world: We can't truly love if we don't truly love ourselves. The inability to love ourselves shows that our view of God's love for us is skewed. It shows that we don't see ourselves as Christ does, and that shows a deeper problem of not trusting that Christ truly, deeply, and intimately loves us. And as we all know, that unless we are connected to the source of love that is Christ, we can never truly love others.
What does Christ's love do for us?
-drives out fear (1 John 4:18)
-gives us new hope and fills us with joy (Romans 15:13)
-love heals (Psalm 147:3)
-gives us peace that is beyond human understanding (John 14:27)
I don't know about you guys, but I fill the description of a love-starved individual...I don't know why but in my life I've been looking for someone to love me deeply, sincerely and without restraint...and I've been looking in all the wrong places. I can't find it in people...I can't find it in things or thrills or romance or sex...I can only find it in Christ. It wasn't until I received this word from Christ in a dingy hotel room in a forgotten corner of Missouri that I realized just how much I needed Him deeply and completely and I hope it brings some hope and perhaps even some healing to you as well.
"My dear son/daughter, do you not see how I want to love you? How I want to fulfill you? Do you know that I desperately want to fill that need in your heart? I want to build you, to heal you, and to never leave you. I so deeply want to fill you with My love so abundantly that you can't even hold it in. I will NEVER forget you, I will NEVER abandon you, I will NEVER not have time for you and I will NEVER use you. I LOVE YOU my dearest son/daughter. You are the joy of my life."
